This Is Not About Me

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In my memory, it opens like a horror film, like a gun going off with smoke furling in its wake. Maybe it was foggy, maybe just his breath coming in from the cold. At any rate, the door opened and he lurched into the hall, leaving it bouncing on the hinges behind him, the whole of the dark outside rushing in like water. And there I was in my night things, holding a spoon, staring. Filmed in an observational style, This Is Not About Me gives a glimpse into Jordyn’s daily life. The documentary takes us to Jordyn’s schools and involves interviews with teachers that worked closely with her. Jordyn guides us through difficult moments in her childhood. Piece by piece, her story reveals how professionals misunderstood her and pushed her deeper into a broken education system. Despite this system, Jordyn thrived, but her story is not one in a million. There are thousands of students like Jordyn who have something to say. While on her college campus after a FaceTime call with her mom, Zimmerman is asked if she likes school. She shrugs her shoulders, holds for a beat and then types on her iPad ‘I like school, but sometimes not the people.’ Many people can resonate with those who have been portrayed to be cast as outsiders in society. This theme in the documentary will resonate with many viewers. They tried to make us breastfeed, my mother said, and it was horrible. I told them I was too old, but the Sister didn’t care. It’s for baby, she said. Baby. As though you knew any different.

It broke, she’d say when I found pieces, untidied-up fragments, wondered what had happened. Watch you don’t cut your fingers. We didny get you out your bed, eh? Me and my friends here? She kept walking. You’ll be wanting to get us something to eat? TPGA: Can you talk about the work it takes to learn to communicate through AAC? (I ask because some people assume AAC is an instant miracle.) Nothing was insured, of course. He didn’t believe in insurance. He said insurance was for mugs. Instead, he took what was left of the housekeeping from the tin in the pantry and consoled himself as he saw best fit. Given time to herself, my mother made a decision. We all found out what it was soon enough. He looked over his shoulder, tilting off-beam just enough for me to see her face, for her to see mine. Seizing the chance, she pointed straight at me.

Director statement

TPGA: Tell us about Buster, the large dog who makes an appearance in the film. What kind of a dog is he, and what was his role in supporting you? Started, things slide fast. The tiniest of realizations can tip life sideways, serve up a last straw. I have a very clear memory indeed of ours. Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism (TPGA): You are now pursuing a Master’s degree. Can you talk about why you chose this educational path, and your career goal? A breakdown of Zimmerman’s life through her school years indicates that many of her teachers did not have the expertise or the resources needed to help her complete her education. However, as we see in the film, once she was finally connected with a group of educators who had the resources, patience, and skillset to introduce her to ways of communication outside of society’s “norm,” her life changed dramatically for the better. These new instructors paid attention and helped Zimmerman get to exactly where she is now. They did not give up on her, but most importantly, Zimmerman did not give up on herself. She ultimately completed her high school education and went on to attend Ohio University and then Boston College for graduate school. JZ: Buster is a Cane Corso, which is an Italian breed of Mastiff. He was a trained service dog, who is now retired. Buster supported me throughout my day at school—providing deep pressure by physically laying his head or whole body on me, attending to me when I was upset, stopping me from running into traffic, and alerting staff when I needed help.

Subject of Film Jordyn Zimmerman, Also Serves on RespectAbility’s National Disability Speakers and Training Bureau She founded the Ohio University Sparkle Effect team and was recognized by the International Council for Exceptional Children with the “Yes I Can!” Award. Jordyn is currently pursuing her Master’s of Education at Boston College and remains committed to being a catalyst for change in the education system. Also ReadI have no memory of the move. It occurred to me years later that maybe he had sensed it coming, that fear was why he had shut us together. That he was clinging, trying to terrify one or other of us into stasis, obedience, God help us, affection. On the other hand, maybe not. Whatever the intention, if there was any at all, all he had done was make things pressing. She might have gone to her mother’s, her sister’s, to all sorts of places if it hadn’t been for me. I am under no illusion it was a choice. There was nowhere to take us, but we had to be together. There was nowhere to take us, but we had to go.

What is it like to be a person with autism and non-speaking in a world that has already made up its mind about you? This Is Not About Me tells the story of Jordyn Zimmerman. Jordyn dreamt of becoming a teacher. She started out eager to learn at school, but she was soon separated from the other children. Unable to communicate, teachers thought she was also unable to understand or learn. Year after year, her behavior worsened. She was restrained and placed in seclusion. Jordyn found herself caught in a system that unintentionally turned her life into a living nightmare. Finally, at the age of 18, with the help of educators who see her differently, she manages to turn her fate and flourish.Her voice hung alone for a moment before he made up his mind. He cranked up the volume and started the whole thing again. The questions were stuff I’d heard before. Why was she cooking at this time of night? Who was it for? They were the kinds of questions he asked when he was in this mood, the kind that didn’t want answers. Then he did the not-questions. She knew full well he didn’t want stew. Who told her to cook stew? It wasn’t for him so who was it for? He knew how much stewing steak cost. He was going like a train when she cut in. In some ways the move was easy: just clothes and toys enough for one case. Not so much as a kettle. Rose said Eddie wasn’t well and needed looking after and she was a bad wife for letting him down, but she knew that already. It was a horrible choice, certainly, but not a hard one. She’d put in twenty-two years already. After all that time, it must have seemed unlikely that more would make anything any better. Rose was his sister, doing what a sister would. Or maybe she just resented being dumped with his care. JZ: Learning to communicate through AAC is not easy and there are no words that describe the complexity (and frustration) it entails. Initially, besides using it here and there, I was pretty resistant to the iPad. I did not want to hold it or carry it—however, once a strap was put on it and I began to wear the iPad, I became more excited about its use.